When Your Husband Isn’t “The One”

husbandYou’ve met the one.  The one you prayed for and dreamed of – and now he’s yours.  You’ve taken his last name and have settled in – for better or worse.

He’s charming, handsome, generous, and kind – but something just seems to be missing.  You waited your whole life for this…planned it out since you were a little girl.  However, that hole in your heart – the one you feel in your gut?  It’s still there.  Still empty.  You’re still longing.

You think that something must be missing.  You get dressed up, you go on date nights, you take a spontaneous road trip, and you do a Bible study together.  You buy a house and have children…but it’s still not filled.  You go to work, go on vacations, and join a church but no matter what – even on the absolute best days…he’s not everything you had hoped.

You lie awake at night, going back over every choice…every decision that has led you here.  Did you make a mistake?

You watch him when he’s not looking.  You see what a great man he is.  An amazing father and a devoted husband – a hard worker and a faithful follower of Christ.  But is marriage supposed to be hard?  Isn’t it supposed to make your life complete?  Could it really be?  Could he not be “the one”?!?

Oh sweet sister…no.  No, he’s not…he can’t be.

Date nights, diamonds, flowers, losing weight, helping out around the house, or anything else will never change the fact that he is not the One.

You see “the one” can only be fulfilled by One. 

And friend, your husband is not Him…and neither is mine.

“The One” for whom your soul longs for is the One who numbered the stars and knows every quirky and beautiful thing about you…because He created you.  He is Jesus Christ – the literal Lover of your soul  and it’s only through a relationship with Him that you can be satisfied.  Not momentary satisfaction dear one, but the everlasting kind. Love created us in His image…to be united with Him.  He designed us to walk with Him, to spend time together, to be in relationship & fellowship with Him.

It’s quite incredible what a difference it can make when you start viewing your husband as a sinner saved by grace (just like us! gasp!) instead of the one to fill every need in your life.  If our needs are met in the One who lacks nothing then every good gift is just bonus.  The amazing man you married?  Grace gift.  Your motherhood?  Grace gift.  Your home?  Grace gift.  Your job/church/vacation/health/etc?  Grace gifts.

And I wouldn’t be sharing the whole Truth if I left out the opposite of all those things – sickness/miscarriage/abuse/rebellion/being laid off/cancer/death/depression – there is grace found in each of these as well because our longings were not, are not, can not be satisfied in those.  When He is our peace giver – then things can not take it away.  When He is our foundation then explosive news can not shake us – it may very well knock us to our knees but it will not cause our Foundation to move.

When that viewpoint starts shifting then it’s much easier to understand all of the things that may have been nagging at the back of our hearts before were actually just tactics of the enemy.  Warfare playing out behind the scenes.  But that’s a topic for another day.

For now, let’s just breathe a sigh of relief because in case you haven’t figured it out – if our husbands aren’t “the one” for us – then that helps us remember we can’t be “the one” for them either!  #allthepraisehands

For His Glory,

Share the Grace

About Nickolee

child of the One True God, wife to the love of my life, mom of 2 gorgeous gals, and humbled to walk daily in His incredible grace
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