I snapped. over a grilled cheese. yes. true story.
I raised my voice, threw my hands in the air, acted like a child instead of the adult, and told her “whatever”. yep. real mature – I know.
I promptly felt tears spring to my eyes, and I turned to do some laundry so that she wouldn’t know I was crying.
How could you do that? And you want to be a stay at home mom – ha you can’t even make it through one lunch time with them without getting onto her! Obviously you weren’t cut out to be a mom if you can’t keep your cool over something as silly as a grilled cheese.
I knew it was the Enemy whispering in my ear, but he was so hard to ignore.
My oldest walked behind me as I was putting up the laundry. She wanted to know why I was crying. Finally, I took a big breath and sat down with her. I explained that I was upset because of how often I mess up. How much I want to be the mother to her that God wants me to be but sometimes (a lot of the time) it just doesn’t happen. She put her hand on my arm and calmly said “but momma, God will forgive you of your sins. You just have to tell Him and ask His forgiveness. He loves you just the way you are.”
My heart swells as I type out those sweet words (yes, I know pride is also a sin), I hear them all over again in that voice that can sound like an angel and then drive me crazy at the same time. I laughed that day. I laughed and cried some more. I told her that she was absolutely right and that I was so grateful for the reminder.
I know the kind of mother I want to be, the one I’m called to be, the one He has equipped me to be…but I fall flat on my face so many times. I trip, misstep, get flustered, and the list could go on and on. It’s so hard to balance grace with “don’t spare the rod”. It’s a struggle to teach “listen & obey” alongside “love & forgiveness”. I know that I can’t do it. I know that parenting Biblically is something that can only come from the Lord. But the enemy can get me so confused and turned around that I forget to (choose not to) seek the Father’s wisdom. And what else can I do? He is the only one who knows the situations that will arise in any given day and far too often a response is out in the open before I’ve had time to think. He alone can give me wisdom and words of love/mercy/grace/justice/forgiveness/discipline/correction at exactly the right time.
Humbled that it’s not up to me and in awe that He cares to do this act of sanctification through me – otherwise known as parenting.
I’d love to hear from your parenting adventures. What’s something that keeps you on track? How do you practice parenting Biblically?