I was five years old the first time I told my parents that I wanted to be a missionary in Africa. That’s one year older than my oldest daughter is now. A dream 25 years in the making this year.
There wasn’t a single year since 1990 that I desired to do anything else besides doing foreign missions. Yes, there were times that the dream altered slightly – such as doing pediatric medical missions – but always Africa and always a missionary.
In 2011, it happened. Our family of three started a journey that I had dreamed about for so long. It was everything that I hoped for and nothing like I imagined. So much caught me off guard and so often the days felt surreal – almost impossible to comprehend that we truly were living the dream.
The Lord showed me so much about myself and even more about His purposes. I’ve tried over the past few years to share what He has taught me but words can rarely do His lessons justice. He’s shown me how to be transparent and honest – especially when it’s crazy hard to be that way. He’s still teaching me to only hide behind the cross and not the masks that I tend to so easily put up. He’s allowing me to start to grasp that it’s completely okay and perfectly acceptable to not have the answers to every questions and to find hope in His Truths and rest in the simple fact that He alone is the Answer.
So here we are 7 weeks away from the end of our stateside. 7 weeks away from when we thought our feet would be walking on the Red Island again. Yet, those dreams are changing. The dreams so many years in the making are taking a different turn. He’s guiding us in not seeing every detail of the dream but in starting to realize that the only dream we should have is whatever will glorify Him the most. The tears that fall, the way I get choked up just thinking about it, that tells me that it’s a lot easier to write it out then to live it out – but here we are nevertheless.
Last week, I was given a working diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. I’ve started steroid infusions (monthly) this week and in the next two weeks I’ll start an immune modulator drug that will hopefully (by the grace of God) start to regulate my symptoms. Monday, we found out that short of divine healing, we will not be allowed to go back to serve in Madagascar. I will need to be under a neurologist and there is not that level of medical care available on the island. There are a lot more questions than answers but He has been gracious to fill our minds with His promises rather than the worry of unknowns.
We do not know what our future holds but we do indeed know Who holds it. Not a single moment, test result, or symptom has caught our Savior by surprise. He is already there, has been from the beginning of time, He knows the mystery of every detail, and in Him we rest…we wait…we live.
Focusing on the days one by one, desiring to seek out who in our path that needs to hear His story and being grateful for the opportunity to share it in our heart language.
So what do we think? How are we doing? What’s the plan?
To that friends, all we know to say, all we desire to stand on is that…
IT WILL BE GLORIFYING