Most of this was written at the end of January…but never published – some things have to “sit” for a little while so that I can process through them. Just a little FYI.
It still catches me off guard. The way the Lord moves and speaks in my life. How I can feel so distant from Him, so out of sync with our daily walk…and then it changes. Two weeks ago, the Spirit showed me unconfessed sin in my life. I didn’t even realize how much it was affecting my day to day. But, somehow my identity had become one founded in that I was a foreign missionary.
I didn’t plan on it happening or announce it to social media but I’m realizing it must have been. It’s the reason I kept looking back. I feel a little lost without the title. I struggle to introduce myself to someone new as a “kindergarten teacher and minister’s wife” – I feel like they can’t know me unless they understand that I lived in Madagascar for almost 4 years. It’s truly a hard thing. And while there may be part of that statement that is true…I was clinging to it for all the wrong reasons.
I wonder how it ever started…the feeling that we need to say something about ourselves when we say our name. “Hi, I’m Nickolee, Steve’s wife” “Hi, I’m Nickolee, I teach kindergarten” “Hi, I’m Nickolee, Ryleigh & Lyllian’s mom”. I’m guessing from the sense of making a connection…letting people know something about us. But why the things that we do? Or the people we’re connected to? Because we find identity in them?
By His grace, our church is on a journey of figuring out how to fulfill the vision the Lord has placed upon us. Which means that our pastor is preaching along the lines of vision and what has to be done according to Scripture. A few weeks ago, he spoke of us knowing our identity. He said that we so easily find our identity in what we do instead of Whose we are.
My identity is in Christ – and I know that – but I have not been living like I do.
I am also reading “Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl” by Lysa Terkerhust. In her very first chapter, she shares her journey with finding her identity. She always based hers on something she did or an idea/appearance. And it got her nowhere. It meant her identity was always changing because life continually was. Which obviously does not provide a sense of security when it comes to who you are.
The only security I have in this life is Christ Jesus. And not only that but He’s my security in the life after this one too. He’s my eternal security and because of His captivating grace, He is my daily security as well.
If I came up to you and said, “Hi, I’m Nickolee, a follower of Christ”. You would think I was preparing for a mission trip or you would just think I was really religious. But isn’t that how we should be introducing ourselves? If we want someone to know who we are “connected” to – who else would we say?!?! Why does that have to be weird or odd? Maybe, it’s not even so much for the people we’re saying it to as it is a reminder to ourselves of Who we belong to.
Whatever our past holds and whatever the future may bring – the identity that believers have in Christ is unchanging.
Where are you finding your identity? Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? If you do, is He who you find your identity in? I’d love to hear if you have a way that helps you be stay focused in that area!