A guest post isn’t the norm around here but when my lovely sister asked if she could share a part of the Story He is writing in and through her life – who was I to say no? I am honored to have Chesney sharing with us on the blog today. Although I’m the oldest of us 3 gals – both of my younger sisters have always challenged and encouraged me in my walk with Christ. Today’s post will give you guys a glimpse into how that happens. Thank you Chesney for being vulnerable and honest about what He is doing to glorify Himself through you!
You know those dreams you have had for your entire life? The dreams that you just can’t shake and that you just can’t wait to fulfill?
Well my dream, like so many others, has always been to have children of my own. If you asked the 7th grade me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have told you – a mother. Not a doctor, a teacher, or any other normal 7th grade answers, but a mother. I am sure that my dream changed a long the way, but I never doubted that I wanted children and I wanted a lot of them.
Now, a lot of things had to happen before children could happen and I knew that. First, well I had to grow up. Second, I had to get married and then finally my dream since childhood of being a mother would fall into place.
So, let me take a minute and introduce you to my husband. A man who loves the Lord faithfully, who loves me and serves me so well, and who makes me laugh every single day. A man who, thankfully, has had the same dream of having children as I have had. My heart rejoices when I think about his desire to raise children in the counsel of the Lord. Casey is so much more than what I ever dared to dream about when dreaming of a husband.
Going into our marriage we talked a lot about kids, how many we wanted, how many we would adopt, what their names would be, how we would handle different traditions, etc. But there is one thing we never talked about – – what if we can’t have children.
I don’t think the thought ever crossed our minds. Certainly not mine. I mean I had this dream of being a mother since I was a child and it is a good, God-designed want. So, of course we would have kids, we would get pregnant on our honeymoon, we did not care about the when.
But, now it has been 23 months since we got married. That means about 6 months of “oh we will get pregnant in no time..” 6 months of talking to doctors, and now 11 months of infertility treatments. Yes, infertility.
So for now, God has called us to a life of infertility. And I rest on the assurance that I have a Father who is working everything out. All the days of Casey’s life and of mine were written in His book before one of them came to be, details included…this struggle with having children included.
For Christ has saved me and He has called me to a holy life, not necessarily a fertile, child filled, life.
This is not to say that each and every day is not hard, that I am not frustrated, that I am not sad, but to say that I can trust that the purposes of God will prevail (Proverbs 19:21).
I came across a blog and in it she was speaking of her struggle with infertility and this quote from it has helped me tremendously and it is a reminder for each of us, in every stage of life.
“It is not the season we would choose. But it is ours, and it is a gift from God. In it we can either flourish or wither. We can either hope in God or despise his provision.”
This time in our lives is a gift from our good and gracious God. Usually gifts are appeasing and we like them, but then sometimes and probably more often than we hope, gifts aren’t what we want. They aren’t wrapped up pretty & they don’t at all seem like a good gift. But yet, it is ours. It is from God, the same God who promises never to harm us. Who promises to work according to His glory.
And most importantly a God who promises to always L O V E us.
I know that some of you have dealt with infertility for much longer than we have and in that I want to be of an encouragement to you. To remind you of the Hope that we have been given, because I now have a glimpse into what this road holds for so many couples.
There is great encouragement in the Word of God. So many stories of our fathers of the faith and their struggles. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Zechariah – all men who were righteous, who were men of God, but they were men who had barren wives. Why? For His great pleasure. For His name to be glorified.
And what more do I want than for my life to bring pleasure to my Savior?